I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
