She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
