I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
