My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i believe in u and ur pee
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
