i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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