I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
