I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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