Soap is not a condiment
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What a dumb baby whore.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
third nipple confirmed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
