Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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