I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
