hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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