Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
