YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
