I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
