Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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