i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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