How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
