And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
