Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
