Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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