I need to stop coming to work sober
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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