And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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