Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
