i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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