normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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