the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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