I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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