Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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