we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
