I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize