I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
