last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
