Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
