What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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