we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
