The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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