found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
is that a dick in a sweater?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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