dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The beer is more important than you right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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