Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
