Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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