It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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