In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
