So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
