Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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