You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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