just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
