Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
