I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
