I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
