I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize