I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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