awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
