Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
