It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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