"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
