Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
