God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she peed on how many people?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
