So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
