I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
last night I used snow as a chaser
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
