11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize