I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
