If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
