It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
