So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
