I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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