the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
