Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
