pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize