He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
