And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
