I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
