do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
