i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
