I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
