Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
