Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
