my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
