my vag is so smooth its legendary
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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