While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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