I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
