i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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