Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
