people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
