Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
