how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
