I think I won the penis lottery.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am mentally ready for anal.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
