I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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