even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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