I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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