mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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