the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
