Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
