every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize