I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
