if i died would you start the facebook group?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
