I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we made out on top of his cat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
