Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
