This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
